Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
