Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
