i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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