Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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