I cockslap morals
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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