Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
