Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
