Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
