i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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