11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
