Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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