that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
