Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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