A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize