I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
