idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
porn star boner night. come get it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
