A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish I only lived at night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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