Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
