She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
