saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
