This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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