I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize