I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
