I would go down on you faster than GM stock
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
