If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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