he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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