Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
