: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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