Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
