he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dick very happy bro
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
