it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Terrible idea I love it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
