don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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