I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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