You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
