saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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