This is not my ceiling
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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