I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
