i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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