May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
