remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize