Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Shame - the story of my life.
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