babies were throwing up all over the place
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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