My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
