The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
