He disabled his match.com account in front of me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
