So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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