One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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