Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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