how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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