I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
