Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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