I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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