I didn't shave. On purpose
Nicole vs. Life
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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