I swear she didn't look like that last week.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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