Can Purell be used as lube?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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