it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
