ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
