My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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