Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
