the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
