God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
