I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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