In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
