Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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