so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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