I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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