Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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