I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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