i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
