She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
did i just pee glitter
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
