The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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